I know, I know, I’ve been quiet lately. It happens. This time my break was prompted by my 6 month oncology visit. A CT scan came back with bad news, and it took a little while to get things cleared up. Fortunately, I’m still not showing signs of cancer metastases or another recurrence of intestinal intussusception.
When things like this happen, though, it throws me into a state of existential crisis which gets worse the older I get. It comes with bouts of depression that make it hard to pick up a pencil or paint brush.
On a positive note, my husband and I spent a few days in Colonial Williamsburg and the Historic Triangle and it always helps to be outside. It also helps to run. But much of the month was unproductive.
Which isn’t a bad thing, really. We all need down time and I’m a firm believer that the brain needs time away from routine in order to grow neurons and gain insights. I spent time exploring solo RPG structures and began writing one of my own. I thought about how I could use paper crafting to make support materials, such as journals and cards, for a RPG and I’m having a bit of fun with it. And this past week, as the brain fog has lifted, I’ve been busy writing radio show scripts for our local production.
Things are getting back to normal. But this month’s break has given me a new perspective on some things. I’m not sure I want to continue with the YouTube videos, for example, and if I do continue, it will probably be at a smaller scale. They take a lot of work.
I still like sharing my thoughts and art work but I don’t want it to become a job. When I feel guilty because I didn’t do something (like make a video), I know I’m going in the wrong direction.
Forced creativity doesn’t work for me because it doesn’t come from the heart.
So now what? Now I’m working on a syllabus for an urban sketching class. I think there are some people who would like to learn how to do it, those who would like to be outside sketching with others, but have no idea where to start. This is something that I’d like to offer to my local community in person, not as an online adventure.
And I’m working in my sketchbook, trying some new things. Always trying new things.
I’ve been blogging off and on since 2015. Topics have changed, the format has changed, the website names have changed, life has changed. But it seems to be a good creative outlet for me. I think I’ll be blogging until it’s physically impossible for me to put words to paper, albeit virtual paper.
So when it comes to extended times when you don’t see any new posts, please excuse the mess while my brain undergoes maintenance.
I’ll be back.